What Toenails and Budgets Have In Common

I feel snotty saying this, but I haven't painted my own toenails in...well...a while.  I could say that I just don't do as good of a job or that it's "me time", but really I've chalked it up to pure laziness.  In the hustle and bustle of what kids, work and house drained of me, I just didn't feel like touching my own feet. So I paid someone else to do the dirty work. Total. Utter. Laziness.

But, with a shift from working mom to full-time time, the household budget will be tighter and I can't just throw money at problems anymore.

(Yes, the state of my toes was something I saw as problematic.  And, my sweet friends who work at the nail salon sure thought so too--they never let the opportunity of the callous treatment upsell go. Just ask my husband. Yikes.)

Although I hate the term "Do It Yourself" and you won't find me suddenly hanging out at The Home Depot on the regular, I am going to have to get a little more crafty and creative to get things done and keep the kids entertained.  Being married to someone who works in finance, LOVES spreadsheets and could squeeze a penny into its liquid state if he wanted, I've learned a thing or two about budgeting over the years. (If you're reading this, honey, that's a compliment and I love you.)

So, in the spirit of sharing and helping others through my experiences, I'll share my five top tips on budgeting while maintaining a decent level of fun in your life. These can apply to anyone whether you're married with children, a couple of DINKs or single.

1. You need a budget. 

If you don't have one, make one.  Not having a budget is just silly and reckless.  I've said this to my clients many times and now I'll say it to my readers: Set yourself up for success.  If you don't know what a budget looks like, google "budget spreadsheet".  There are all sorts of free templates out there you can use to get started; then, all you have to do is tweak it for your scenario.  The process of creating a line item for every single thing you spend money on each month can be very eye-opening.  As part of the process, be sure to tag things (this can be a column in a spreadsheet) as required or not required.  For example, electric bill would we marked required and gym would be marked as non-required.  This is where you have to sort of play hardball with yourself.  It doesn't mean that you are going to drop the unrequired items from your budget, but it does mean that you have to be able to recognize what TRULY is required and what is not.

2. Admit your vice. Then budget for it.

Determine if you want to hold on to this vice or not.  If you can't give it up, well, put it in the budget and remove something else to make it fit.   We all have one--whether it's the eating out, daily trip to the coffee shop (yep, that's mine), the pedicures (OK, that was mine too, but that one has to go), or the titty bars (not mine), you need to determine how important this is to you and choose to either factor it in (admitting the vice) or let it go.

3. Give yourself a "fun money" allowance and make sure it has a monthly cap.

This is something we started doing a couple of years ago in my household and it just takes all of the arguments away. I give the hubs full credit for the idea, and it was a great one.  He gets a certain amount each month for whatever the hell he wants to spend it on, and so do I.  We chose the amounts based on our household budget and our needs.  So, his may be a little less than hers or vice versa.  What it's done for us has been astronomical in terms of our stress levels with each other.  He doesn't bother me about my said coffee vice anymore because if that's how I want to spend my "Taylor" allowance, then that's my choice.  And I don't bother him about what he spends his allowance on.  Seriously, y'all, it just removes the opportunity for arguments over the credit card statement. Try it.

4. Look for memberships. Look for opportunity.

If there is a place where you enjoy going (or think you would enjoy) on a regular basis then look into membership programs.  This is particularly useful if you are looking for activities to do with your little ones and don't want to spend an arm and a leg entertaining them but you also don't want to just sit around your house.  Several years ago we started  to support, through a membership, our local children's museum and the local zoo. With a yearly membership of about $100 a piece, you can visit each of these places a much as you want. If you will go even just a handful of times, this is a huge savings when you compare to the cost for a single day ticket (typically around $15 per person).  Sometimes we go to the zoo 2-3 days / week.  The kids love it and I love it for the fact that I get a great cardio workout in carting them around in the stroller for several hours.  The same goes for the museum.  And, going back to the budget, it's something that we budget in. It's a line item.

This tip also applies to things like gym memberships.  Look for opportunities to pay upfront for a large discount.  For example, when looking at the gym ask if they have any option to pay for 2-3 years upfront.  Oftentimes with these deals it takes the monthly fee from around $35+/mo down to about $20/mo.  While it is a larger upfront payment, when you break it down and compare how much it will cost you over the long term, it can be a much better option if you are able to make the upfront payment.

5.  Paint Your Own Toes.

This could be mow your own lawn, cook your own food, etc.  You get the point.  Look for problems which you are "throwing money at", which you could easily do yourself.  Evaluate each of these problems.  Make a pros and cons list, including the pros for having someone else do it.  If there is something that just doesn't have enough pros, then try to make a shift and do it on your own.  At least for a little bit. Try it.  For me, I can't say the coffee habit is going anywhere.  I admitted my vice and I use my fun money for it. So I will try to let go of some of the laziness and cut out some other things, including the callous remover upsell. 

I'll close with this:  If you're looking to get smarter with your money and looking to get a better grip on your family or personal budget, try out at least one or two of these tips.  Comment back with questions and share your experiences here.

Happy budgeting.  I'm off; I've got to go fix these feet.

Defining my motherdom

Shit happens. It does.  In my house, between the two young kids, the husband and the dog, it happens quite a bit in all senses of the word.  Life changes; things happen to us whether or not we are searching for change.

I've recently experienced a large life changing event, one which I wasn't searching for but found me and I'm happy that it did.  Our children's nanny got another job.  It happens.  People move on. It's happened before.  I couldn't expect her to stay forever.  I get it.  But, it caused me to suddenly have to re-think what I'm doing as a mother and a wife and as a career woman.  How do I define my motherdom?  How involved am I?  How involved should I be? How involved can I be? Can we afford to do this? Can we afford not to?

These are all questions which suddenly had to be discussed-- in my head, with my husband, with my mom, sometimes even with the dog (he's a really good listener). It was soul searching time.  Do I find someone else?  For us, daycare wasn't an option. We had decided that early on with the birth of our first child.  Do I do it?  I was moving up in the corporate world.  But, was it really worth it all? Was it working for my family?

For me, the answer was: no. It wasn't.  We were hanging on by a thread.  I was hanging on by a thread.  I had to come to grips with the fact that if I truly wanted to define my motherdom by the core values I sold myself on, then I had to start living them.

Something had to give.

What was most challenging for me was the frank conversation with myself that had to happen.  The "Self, you just can't do it all.  It's not really possible."  I'm a dreamer, so that's hard.  I always have this big dream in my head of what I should be: a superwoman.  I think a lot of us women feel this way.  We want it all, right? I mean, who wouldn't?

But, superwoman is a cartoon character.   And I shouldn't define my motherdom by trying to live in a story world. I had to come to grips with my reality.

It's a good thing.  My cage needed to be rattled.  As much as I was trying to make everything work and be all things to all people, it just wasn't working in my household.

So, I've chosen to take the plunge into the full-time mom gig.  I've chosen to push pause and take some time to work on my motherdom.  To do so, I'm going to work on a few of things:

1. To be present.  Just be there.  I haven't really been there the last few years the way I should.  In the moment. I think I've just been consumed by my goals.  But, I want to be consumed by my goals for them, for a change.
2. Standing my ground (with the kids).  I think as a working mother I've had a lot of guilt.  There are a lot of times where I give into things out of guilt.  "I was on the road this week, so I'll let him stay up late or get her this or that treat."  I think those are appropriate things at times, but I'd let the guilt become the norm too much and I don't want to set up the wrong life expectations for them.
3. Structure.  We just need more structure in our lives.  A household with two working parents is tough, so you let things fall through the cracks.  I want to focus on filling those cracks in and providing better structure for the kids, the household and myself.  Kids really do crave structure.  But, again, out of the busy mom guilt I recognize that I just let it go too much.

A couple of months ago, I found this necklace with two little pink roses on it and it says "Mother" in old timey cursive.  I wear it just about every day now.  I love it; it's probably one of my favorite pieces of jewelry.  One day my grandmother-in-law noticed it and said, "Oh that is so pretty. Did Daniel buy that for you?"  And I replied with "No, I found it at a junk store for $5". She had a good chuckle.

"Life With Mother" was born and here I am.  As silly as it is, that little "Mother" necklace I found gave me some sort of inspiration to focus more on my motherdom.

That's me.  That's my motherdom: fun-loving, bargain-hunter, pragmatic in my parenting style.   I'm not your Pinterest, going to to post cutesy pictures of animal-shaped vegetables that I pack in my children's lunches every day kind of a mom.  I'm probably going to have a clean-enough house but nothing which you could stamp a Martha Stewart approved label on.  I'll actually start cooking, but it won't be souffles and roasts but it will be good because it will be hot and available.

Stay tuned for our adventures. I'm cooking up some interesting things for us.  I invite you to follow along on this adventure and enjoy it with us.