Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Monday, June 8, 2015
#Lifewithmother has moved
Hey friends!
If you are following for the #lifewithmother, I want to let you know that I have set up a site specifically focused on the #lifewithmother lifestyle.
To follow along there, visit lifewithmother.com. You can sign up to follow via email, the lifewithmother facebook page or follow via wordpress.
For your social media fix, check out lifewithmother on facebook at facebook.com/lifewithmother. And, look for "lifewithmother" on instagram.
See you around the mug,
Taylor
If you are following for the #lifewithmother, I want to let you know that I have set up a site specifically focused on the #lifewithmother lifestyle.
To follow along there, visit lifewithmother.com. You can sign up to follow via email, the lifewithmother facebook page or follow via wordpress.
For your social media fix, check out lifewithmother on facebook at facebook.com/lifewithmother. And, look for "lifewithmother" on instagram.
See you around the mug,
Taylor
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Why 2-Year-Olds Are Bad For The Economy
Two-year-olds really are terrible civilians. They're bad for the business. They're loud, rude, wasteful and lack an overall awareness for hygiene. The rest of us spend all of our time cleaning up after the two-year-olds, only to find our efforts are futile because the next mess has already been made.
Due to these toddlers' inability to function as a normal persons in society, here are three reasons why they actually inhibit economic growth.
1. Waste.
We might as well start off with the doozy. Waste comes in many forms: actual shit, throwing their food on the floor, throwing my food on the floor, spilling the dogs food on the floor, spilling entire bottles of bubbles on the floor, breaking the new table, pummeling through my makeup drawer and any other wasteful spillage you can think of which a two-year-old may do out of shear pleasure. Maybe they do it out of spite, but by judging on the overly optimistic grin on her face, when my two year old sheds any form of waste, it seems to be from a place of happiness. This overall wasteful bliss causes parents to regretfully throw all of their hard-earned money into the trash can, and therefore leaves less money to spend on other fruitful things which could boost the economy.
2. Intolerance for sitting.
Due to their inability to sit still for more than 60 second increments, dramatic tantrums and overall disregard for other people, two-year-olds cause the adults in the household to never leave the house. What time was once spent on dinners out and trips to the other 49 states is now spent wasted away at home. Less money is put by the parents into supporting other businesses, and therefore the economy suffers once again. Strike two for the two-year-old.
3. Germs.
A better term for "Toddler" would be "Pig Pen". Two-year-olds are attracted to filth. Much like the aptitude for spillage, they also have an insanely natural ability to collect dirt and illness. From sticking each other's pacifiers in one an other's mouth to coughing directly into mom's eye to barfing all over dad's office (true story), two-year-olds are bound to make their adult caretakers sick a ridiculously increased amount of days out of the 365 day year. More time sick = less time working on productive things and therefore (you guessed it), a bruised economy.
Three strikes and you're out, kids.
Okay, so there has to be a bright side to all of this, right? It's not all doom and gloom.
You are correct. The makers of detergents and antibacterial products are making out like a tall dog in a meat market. Plus, those damn two-year-olds are super cute. Those little cheeks and silly attempts at saying words sure do something for us. We must keep them around for something? True. They are adorable and they do warm our hearts. But, I think the brightest thing about all of this is that eventually the two-year-old will grow up and out of their terrible twos to become a four, five, and six year old (and so on) -- ages which present new levels of poor economic conditions, to be discussed in a later post.
Due to these toddlers' inability to function as a normal persons in society, here are three reasons why they actually inhibit economic growth.
1. Waste.
We might as well start off with the doozy. Waste comes in many forms: actual shit, throwing their food on the floor, throwing my food on the floor, spilling the dogs food on the floor, spilling entire bottles of bubbles on the floor, breaking the new table, pummeling through my makeup drawer and any other wasteful spillage you can think of which a two-year-old may do out of shear pleasure. Maybe they do it out of spite, but by judging on the overly optimistic grin on her face, when my two year old sheds any form of waste, it seems to be from a place of happiness. This overall wasteful bliss causes parents to regretfully throw all of their hard-earned money into the trash can, and therefore leaves less money to spend on other fruitful things which could boost the economy. 2. Intolerance for sitting.
Due to their inability to sit still for more than 60 second increments, dramatic tantrums and overall disregard for other people, two-year-olds cause the adults in the household to never leave the house. What time was once spent on dinners out and trips to the other 49 states is now spent wasted away at home. Less money is put by the parents into supporting other businesses, and therefore the economy suffers once again. Strike two for the two-year-old.
3. Germs.
A better term for "Toddler" would be "Pig Pen". Two-year-olds are attracted to filth. Much like the aptitude for spillage, they also have an insanely natural ability to collect dirt and illness. From sticking each other's pacifiers in one an other's mouth to coughing directly into mom's eye to barfing all over dad's office (true story), two-year-olds are bound to make their adult caretakers sick a ridiculously increased amount of days out of the 365 day year. More time sick = less time working on productive things and therefore (you guessed it), a bruised economy.
Three strikes and you're out, kids.
Okay, so there has to be a bright side to all of this, right? It's not all doom and gloom.
You are correct. The makers of detergents and antibacterial products are making out like a tall dog in a meat market. Plus, those damn two-year-olds are super cute. Those little cheeks and silly attempts at saying words sure do something for us. We must keep them around for something? True. They are adorable and they do warm our hearts. But, I think the brightest thing about all of this is that eventually the two-year-old will grow up and out of their terrible twos to become a four, five, and six year old (and so on) -- ages which present new levels of poor economic conditions, to be discussed in a later post.
Monday, May 11, 2015
To Work Or Not To Work...
That is the question you may be grappling with. Perhaps you just had a baby and are getting ready to go back to work, but weighing your options and mulling over whether it's worth it or not. Perhaps you are expecting and not really sure what to think yet. Perhaps you are a working parent and are finding it hard to breath and wondering to yourself if there is a better way. Perhaps you love your working self and don't want to change a thing.
Perhaps you are looking into your child's eyes and trying to understand what they want from you.
These are challenges and internal struggles every parent faces at some point, when you have to determine how you will provide for your family financially and emotionally, and physically.
As a woman who always thought she was dead set on having both her career and her family, my whole being was turned upside down a little when I made a decision to take a pause. I had been a working mother for the past four years. While I struggled with not wanting to give up my career, I also struggled with the pain of regret. Regret for missing moments. Regret for disciplinary issues coming to light. Regret for not fully being present.
I share this post not to tell anyone what to do. Every family is different. Every financial scenario is different. Every parent is different. To each his own.
I also recognize that not every parent has the option to stay home. I can't even imagine how hard it is to be a single parent, for example, and I feel for those moms and dads.
I share this in the small chance that another parent reading--who may be in a similar situation and grappling with this life changing decision--may find some comfort in my story and having someone else's perspective. If you are contemplating whether to have a stay-at-home parent for your family, I hope my experience can help you in your decision. Ultimately, you have to evaluate your situation and choose what works for you.
These are the four things things I evaluated and used as a tool for making the decision to leave the workforce:
1: On the surface, the money looked great, but it wasn't really that great.
This is one of the biggest reasons I left, so I'll spend a little more time on this one. The hubs and I had talked about all of the emotional reasons to leave. But, we needed to look at the numbers. So we turned it a numbers game.
My salary looked great on paper. But, what was I really taking home? It was time for a spreadsheet. Once all of the data was in there, what we saw was shocking. When you looked at everything we were spending to pay for a full-time nanny, a night nanny for when I traveled, the high tax rate my paycheck was taxed at, and things like social security and unemployment taxes for the nanny, taxes, taxes, taxes, blah, blah blah...when you added all of that together and subtracted it from my pay, the remaining number sucked. Bad. And, sending two kids to a full-time preschool wasn't going to cost any less.
I just wasn't bringing home the bacon in the way I thought.
After all that, I made $15,000 a year. That was what I took home to "pay the bills".
After all the late nights and early mornings catching up on email, the stress, the guilt, the marathon days of back-to-back meetings, and everything it takes to climb and succeed on the corporate ladder, I made $15,000 a year.
Seriously.
And on top of that, because neither the hubs nor I ever had time to do anything for ourselves, we decided to pay up for premium services. Things like dinner were becoming very expensive because we picked up takeout five nights a week or went to Central Market and got all the fancy prepped foods. We paid someone to do our laundry for a while. Seriously. We did. She would come over a couple of days a week and just do our laundry.
We paid for everything.
It was all sort of stupid, really, and we still weren't truly happy. We were fake happy.
I decided that the stress wasn't worth it. To me, fake happy wasn't worth it, so I chose to give up the premier laundry service along with the regret. I knew we'd have a lot less to spend on babysitters and going out, and some of those finer things in life, but it would be worth a shot to find our real happy.
Tip: If you, too, are contemplating a shift from full-time work to full-time parenthood, crunch the numbers. In business, my clients and I always talked about how we needed to look at the data to help drive our decision. It's no different here. You should look at your data. After all the childcare expenses are said and done, is what you have left worth it?
2: Structure and focus.
I've mentioned structure in another post and will reiterate. Mary Poppins is a movie and Super Nanny is a TV show. I don't think there is any one nanny or mother (or father) out there who can be either of these characters 100% of the time. And, no matter how awesome a childcare provider is, they aren't mom or dad. No one except for mom and dad has skin in the game in the same way. Therefore, no one will give the same level of focus as mom and dad.
When kids spend their day being shifted back and forth between mom to nanny to preschool worker to babysitter and back to mom (and dad), there are many opportunities for confusion introduced. All of this shifting causes more opportunities for parents and caretakers to not be on the same page, and therefore, I believe it causes a lack of focus. The child may be told not to do something by one person and that it is alright to do that same thing by another adult.
When kids are confused, they behave badly. (And, I don't wish that upon anyone.)
When I took a step back and really took a good look at how my little people were reacting to their environment, it wasn't good. They wanted so badly to be with me, that they acted out a lot to get my attention. I let them get away with things out of guilt and ultimately they were running amok.
They really weren't well behaved at all. And, they weren't even happy in their muckiness. I could tell. They were telling me with their eyes. They needed me. They needed to have that one person to set the ground rules and have the time and energy to actually stick to those rules. They needed a parent. They needed focus.
They were craving it.
3: The corporate world will be there when I'm ready again
I think all of this crap that we women feed ourselves and feed each other about how difficult it will be to go back to work is just that. It's crap. Are you good at your job? Are you going to work hard and own it when you go back? Perfect. You'll be good when you're ready to go back. If you are confident in what you do, I do not think you will have a problem.
I was great at my job. And, I'll be great when I'm ready to go back.
I'm not going to get mom brain. I'm not going to become an idiot over the course of this two to three year pause. In fact, maybe I'll even become better and stronger as an individual. I mean, kids are not exactly a walk in the park. I finally told myself that all of the hogwash about losing my "it" factor at work was just hogwash and I needed to let that way of thinking go.
4: I can't buy my children's happiness.
Small kids don't care about money. They have no concept of money. It doesn't matter to them.
Buying them the best new toy doesn't matter if I'm not there to play with them. They don't care if someone else is doing the laundry.
They don't care about my perfectly manicured feet. They care about spending time with me.
Time. Kids care about time, not money. So, I decided to give them my time. I decided to give them my focus.
I decided to get them to our real happy.
Perhaps you are looking into your child's eyes and trying to understand what they want from you.
These are challenges and internal struggles every parent faces at some point, when you have to determine how you will provide for your family financially and emotionally, and physically.
As a woman who always thought she was dead set on having both her career and her family, my whole being was turned upside down a little when I made a decision to take a pause. I had been a working mother for the past four years. While I struggled with not wanting to give up my career, I also struggled with the pain of regret. Regret for missing moments. Regret for disciplinary issues coming to light. Regret for not fully being present.I share this post not to tell anyone what to do. Every family is different. Every financial scenario is different. Every parent is different. To each his own.
I also recognize that not every parent has the option to stay home. I can't even imagine how hard it is to be a single parent, for example, and I feel for those moms and dads.
I share this in the small chance that another parent reading--who may be in a similar situation and grappling with this life changing decision--may find some comfort in my story and having someone else's perspective. If you are contemplating whether to have a stay-at-home parent for your family, I hope my experience can help you in your decision. Ultimately, you have to evaluate your situation and choose what works for you.
These are the four things things I evaluated and used as a tool for making the decision to leave the workforce:
1: On the surface, the money looked great, but it wasn't really that great.
This is one of the biggest reasons I left, so I'll spend a little more time on this one. The hubs and I had talked about all of the emotional reasons to leave. But, we needed to look at the numbers. So we turned it a numbers game.
My salary looked great on paper. But, what was I really taking home? It was time for a spreadsheet. Once all of the data was in there, what we saw was shocking. When you looked at everything we were spending to pay for a full-time nanny, a night nanny for when I traveled, the high tax rate my paycheck was taxed at, and things like social security and unemployment taxes for the nanny, taxes, taxes, taxes, blah, blah blah...when you added all of that together and subtracted it from my pay, the remaining number sucked. Bad. And, sending two kids to a full-time preschool wasn't going to cost any less.
I just wasn't bringing home the bacon in the way I thought.
After all that, I made $15,000 a year. That was what I took home to "pay the bills".
After all the late nights and early mornings catching up on email, the stress, the guilt, the marathon days of back-to-back meetings, and everything it takes to climb and succeed on the corporate ladder, I made $15,000 a year.
Seriously.
And on top of that, because neither the hubs nor I ever had time to do anything for ourselves, we decided to pay up for premium services. Things like dinner were becoming very expensive because we picked up takeout five nights a week or went to Central Market and got all the fancy prepped foods. We paid someone to do our laundry for a while. Seriously. We did. She would come over a couple of days a week and just do our laundry.
We paid for everything.
It was all sort of stupid, really, and we still weren't truly happy. We were fake happy.
I decided that the stress wasn't worth it. To me, fake happy wasn't worth it, so I chose to give up the premier laundry service along with the regret. I knew we'd have a lot less to spend on babysitters and going out, and some of those finer things in life, but it would be worth a shot to find our real happy.
Tip: If you, too, are contemplating a shift from full-time work to full-time parenthood, crunch the numbers. In business, my clients and I always talked about how we needed to look at the data to help drive our decision. It's no different here. You should look at your data. After all the childcare expenses are said and done, is what you have left worth it?
2: Structure and focus.
I've mentioned structure in another post and will reiterate. Mary Poppins is a movie and Super Nanny is a TV show. I don't think there is any one nanny or mother (or father) out there who can be either of these characters 100% of the time. And, no matter how awesome a childcare provider is, they aren't mom or dad. No one except for mom and dad has skin in the game in the same way. Therefore, no one will give the same level of focus as mom and dad.
When kids spend their day being shifted back and forth between mom to nanny to preschool worker to babysitter and back to mom (and dad), there are many opportunities for confusion introduced. All of this shifting causes more opportunities for parents and caretakers to not be on the same page, and therefore, I believe it causes a lack of focus. The child may be told not to do something by one person and that it is alright to do that same thing by another adult.
When kids are confused, they behave badly. (And, I don't wish that upon anyone.)
When I took a step back and really took a good look at how my little people were reacting to their environment, it wasn't good. They wanted so badly to be with me, that they acted out a lot to get my attention. I let them get away with things out of guilt and ultimately they were running amok.
They really weren't well behaved at all. And, they weren't even happy in their muckiness. I could tell. They were telling me with their eyes. They needed me. They needed to have that one person to set the ground rules and have the time and energy to actually stick to those rules. They needed a parent. They needed focus.
They were craving it.
3: The corporate world will be there when I'm ready again
I think all of this crap that we women feed ourselves and feed each other about how difficult it will be to go back to work is just that. It's crap. Are you good at your job? Are you going to work hard and own it when you go back? Perfect. You'll be good when you're ready to go back. If you are confident in what you do, I do not think you will have a problem.
I was great at my job. And, I'll be great when I'm ready to go back.
I'm not going to get mom brain. I'm not going to become an idiot over the course of this two to three year pause. In fact, maybe I'll even become better and stronger as an individual. I mean, kids are not exactly a walk in the park. I finally told myself that all of the hogwash about losing my "it" factor at work was just hogwash and I needed to let that way of thinking go.
4: I can't buy my children's happiness.
Small kids don't care about money. They have no concept of money. It doesn't matter to them.
Buying them the best new toy doesn't matter if I'm not there to play with them. They don't care if someone else is doing the laundry.
They don't care about my perfectly manicured feet. They care about spending time with me.
Time. Kids care about time, not money. So, I decided to give them my time. I decided to give them my focus.
I decided to get them to our real happy.
P.S. So far, we're loving it.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
Don't Expect Nice Things
Oh, so you're expecting a little Junior here shortly? How sweet. Being pregnant really stinks. Holding that little babe in your arms and not on your bladder will be a welcomed reprieve from the last nine months. And, you must be sooooo excited to get back your pre-baby body, really rock that swim suit this summer, and wear pants without an elastic waste?
Don't hold your breath.
Don't expect nice things.
I held my breath. Twice. If the third time is a charm, maybe I need to have another kid just to see if I really learn my lesson the next time around.
Look, I'm not trying to be harsh. I just want to shoot you straight. Otherwise, you'll just become depressed when your beach body isn't back in no time and your skinny jeans take a little longer than expected to get back into.
No one ever shoots a pregnant woman straight. Why? I'm not sure. I guess we just want to be nice and not scare her. But, I don't see it as scary, but more as preparation. I wish someone had the gumption to shoot me straight. At least I would have held onto those elastic wasted pants a little longer instead of shooing them out of my closet so quickly.
So....just don't expect nice things. Because those nice clothes you used to wear..well, they'll just be full of crap all the time. Whether it's the smell of soured milk (yes, that's what it smells like when you have a leak), marker, snot, apple sauce, poop or your own coffee, there will always inevitably be something spilled down your shirt. Don't buy nice shirts. If you do, only wear them to work or when the babysitter is taking over. Let me repeat: Do not wear nice clothes around your children.
You may be thinking, "But my friend Tina just had a baby and looks awesome." Well, screw Tina. Tina is a miracle. Tina was also anorexic before having Junior. We're not all miracles. You can pray for a miracle, but just don't hold your breath. The weight will come off, but you'll have to eat less, and your stomach and hoohah will just never be the same. You may only wear one pieces from now on. Don't expect nice things.
Don't buy nice furniture.
Let me tell you a story about a beautiful little table that I bought recently. It wasn't bought on a fancy budget, but it looked fancy. It had a nice little mirrored table top. I was really enjoying this table. You didn't even need a coaster! It was like a dream come true in mommy world. The kids couldn't leave rings if they wanted to. Ha ha, got you kids!
Wrong. BAM. 2-Year old pushes it over. Shattered all over the living room were tiny glimpses of what was once a beautiful drink-ring-free table. The 2 yr old cries, I yell ever word in the book, the 4 year old covers his ears because I'm yelling and the table is still broken. But, I should have known. I didn't learn my lesson the time yogurt was spilled on the chair.
Luckily, for me, my brother is a carpenter and made me a lov-erly wooden top to fit. Some day, I'll get around to painting it and the children will get around to leaving sweat rings on it.
Don't hold your breath.
Don't expect nice things.
I held my breath. Twice. If the third time is a charm, maybe I need to have another kid just to see if I really learn my lesson the next time around.
Look, I'm not trying to be harsh. I just want to shoot you straight. Otherwise, you'll just become depressed when your beach body isn't back in no time and your skinny jeans take a little longer than expected to get back into.
No one ever shoots a pregnant woman straight. Why? I'm not sure. I guess we just want to be nice and not scare her. But, I don't see it as scary, but more as preparation. I wish someone had the gumption to shoot me straight. At least I would have held onto those elastic wasted pants a little longer instead of shooing them out of my closet so quickly.
So....just don't expect nice things. Because those nice clothes you used to wear..well, they'll just be full of crap all the time. Whether it's the smell of soured milk (yes, that's what it smells like when you have a leak), marker, snot, apple sauce, poop or your own coffee, there will always inevitably be something spilled down your shirt. Don't buy nice shirts. If you do, only wear them to work or when the babysitter is taking over. Let me repeat: Do not wear nice clothes around your children.
You may be thinking, "But my friend Tina just had a baby and looks awesome." Well, screw Tina. Tina is a miracle. Tina was also anorexic before having Junior. We're not all miracles. You can pray for a miracle, but just don't hold your breath. The weight will come off, but you'll have to eat less, and your stomach and hoohah will just never be the same. You may only wear one pieces from now on. Don't expect nice things.
Don't buy nice furniture.
Let me tell you a story about a beautiful little table that I bought recently. It wasn't bought on a fancy budget, but it looked fancy. It had a nice little mirrored table top. I was really enjoying this table. You didn't even need a coaster! It was like a dream come true in mommy world. The kids couldn't leave rings if they wanted to. Ha ha, got you kids!
Wrong. BAM. 2-Year old pushes it over. Shattered all over the living room were tiny glimpses of what was once a beautiful drink-ring-free table. The 2 yr old cries, I yell ever word in the book, the 4 year old covers his ears because I'm yelling and the table is still broken. But, I should have known. I didn't learn my lesson the time yogurt was spilled on the chair. Luckily, for me, my brother is a carpenter and made me a lov-erly wooden top to fit. Some day, I'll get around to painting it and the children will get around to leaving sweat rings on it.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Let them fall
Within reason.
Let them make a mess sometimes. Let them choose their clothes. Let them try. Let them have a grumpy day. (We have them.)
This one goes out to all the ladies who feel so stressed out by the constant need to protect and be two steps in front of your child at all times. Our brains never get a rest with the constant worry and fear. We go to bed fearing we're not doing the best we can, and we wake up fearing what dangerous activity will our child partake in today. (I've got a toddler who climbs on everything. She's like a spider monkey. I know this fear.)
Our kids are a lot like our men. We ladies want to mold them and shape them and change them into what we want them to be. But, they are who they are and you're not going to change who he his. But, you can guide each other, together.
My point? I think we tend to do this with our kids, too. We want to shape them so much. We want to protect them so much. We compare our kids to our friends' kids, right? It's the head game you play with yourself: "My kid's not talking as well as Sally's kid". Or, "That little Johnny is already counting to 100 in Spanish. (And mine can only count to 20.)"
Or it's the actual "No Sam! Don't climb the slide. You could fall."
C'mon...,you know you've done it. Just admit it.
I call this hypermom syndrome. And I've certainly had my moments. I think we all have our days.
I encountered a particularly hyper hypermom this week and it stood out. It was one of those moments where I just wanted to go up to her and say to her: "It's OK. He will be OK. Take a deep breath. Oh, and calm the f down, lady." But, I'm fancier than that, and I didn't. I merely thought it and played up a whole scene in my head of how the conversation would go down.
We were at this indoor play place for toddlers--so the place is like locked-down child proofed. She had a precious little rambunctious 2 year old boy. He was your typical full-of-energy 2 yr old boy. Well behaved. He wasn't throwing fits or anything. My son and this boy started interacting and were playing together. They were having a great time and playing chase; doing what little boys do and playing very well together.
I'm sitting there thinking, "Great, he found a friend."
But, her....you should have seen the stress levels rising. She was freaking out inside. I could just see it in her eyes and the nostril flare. She was a footstep behind him this whole time they were running, and finally told him to stop running because he would fall.
Stop running in a place designed for kids to run around in? Really? HYPERMOM. To the max.
Please don't be this hypermom. Really. It's not good for anyone.
Children should have some freedoms to explore. They should have some freedom to fall every once in a while, and learn from it. And, you should give yourself some mental freedom to relax a little and sit on the sideline observing every once in a while.
Guide them, but don't put them on a leash. They go at their own pace and by exploring their world, they will pick up on things faster. And that, my friends, is when they will pleasantly surprise you and say something or do something amazing, of which you didn't think they were capable.
Running with friends is a normal childhood behavior. Running with scissors is not. So, you take the scissors away but don't cease the running.
 |
| Bound to fall |
This one goes out to all the ladies who feel so stressed out by the constant need to protect and be two steps in front of your child at all times. Our brains never get a rest with the constant worry and fear. We go to bed fearing we're not doing the best we can, and we wake up fearing what dangerous activity will our child partake in today. (I've got a toddler who climbs on everything. She's like a spider monkey. I know this fear.)
Our kids are a lot like our men. We ladies want to mold them and shape them and change them into what we want them to be. But, they are who they are and you're not going to change who he his. But, you can guide each other, together.
My point? I think we tend to do this with our kids, too. We want to shape them so much. We want to protect them so much. We compare our kids to our friends' kids, right? It's the head game you play with yourself: "My kid's not talking as well as Sally's kid". Or, "That little Johnny is already counting to 100 in Spanish. (And mine can only count to 20.)"
Or it's the actual "No Sam! Don't climb the slide. You could fall."
C'mon...,you know you've done it. Just admit it.
I call this hypermom syndrome. And I've certainly had my moments. I think we all have our days.
I encountered a particularly hyper hypermom this week and it stood out. It was one of those moments where I just wanted to go up to her and say to her: "It's OK. He will be OK. Take a deep breath. Oh, and calm the f down, lady." But, I'm fancier than that, and I didn't. I merely thought it and played up a whole scene in my head of how the conversation would go down.
We were at this indoor play place for toddlers--so the place is like locked-down child proofed. She had a precious little rambunctious 2 year old boy. He was your typical full-of-energy 2 yr old boy. Well behaved. He wasn't throwing fits or anything. My son and this boy started interacting and were playing together. They were having a great time and playing chase; doing what little boys do and playing very well together.
I'm sitting there thinking, "Great, he found a friend."
But, her....you should have seen the stress levels rising. She was freaking out inside. I could just see it in her eyes and the nostril flare. She was a footstep behind him this whole time they were running, and finally told him to stop running because he would fall.
Stop running in a place designed for kids to run around in? Really? HYPERMOM. To the max.
Please don't be this hypermom. Really. It's not good for anyone.
Children should have some freedoms to explore. They should have some freedom to fall every once in a while, and learn from it. And, you should give yourself some mental freedom to relax a little and sit on the sideline observing every once in a while.
Guide them, but don't put them on a leash. They go at their own pace and by exploring their world, they will pick up on things faster. And that, my friends, is when they will pleasantly surprise you and say something or do something amazing, of which you didn't think they were capable.
Running with friends is a normal childhood behavior. Running with scissors is not. So, you take the scissors away but don't cease the running.
Monday, April 27, 2015
What Toenails and Budgets Have In Common
I feel snotty saying this, but I haven't painted my own toenails in...well...a while. I could say that I just don't do as good of a job or that it's "me time", but really I've chalked it up to pure laziness. In the hustle and bustle of what kids, work and house drained of me, I just didn't feel like touching my own feet. So I paid someone else to do the dirty work. Total. Utter. Laziness.
But, with a shift from working mom to full-time time, the household budget will be tighter and I can't just throw money at problems anymore.
(Yes, the state of my toes was something I saw as problematic. And, my sweet friends who work at the nail salon sure thought so too--they never let the opportunity of the callous treatment upsell go. Just ask my husband. Yikes.)
Although I hate the term "Do It Yourself" and you won't find me suddenly hanging out at The Home Depot on the regular, I am going to have to get a little more crafty and creative to get things done and keep the kids entertained. Being married to someone who works in finance, LOVES spreadsheets and could squeeze a penny into its liquid state if he wanted, I've learned a thing or two about budgeting over the years. (If you're reading this, honey, that's a compliment and I love you.)
So, in the spirit of sharing and helping others through my experiences, I'll share my five top tips on budgeting while maintaining a decent level of fun in your life. These can apply to anyone whether you're married with children, a couple of DINKs or single.
This tip also applies to things like gym memberships. Look for opportunities to pay upfront for a large discount. For example, when looking at the gym ask if they have any option to pay for 2-3 years upfront. Oftentimes with these deals it takes the monthly fee from around $35+/mo down to about $20/mo. While it is a larger upfront payment, when you break it down and compare how much it will cost you over the long term, it can be a much better option if you are able to make the upfront payment.
I'll close with this: If you're looking to get smarter with your money and looking to get a better grip on your family or personal budget, try out at least one or two of these tips. Comment back with questions and share your experiences here.
Happy budgeting. I'm off; I've got to go fix these feet.
But, with a shift from working mom to full-time time, the household budget will be tighter and I can't just throw money at problems anymore.
(Yes, the state of my toes was something I saw as problematic. And, my sweet friends who work at the nail salon sure thought so too--they never let the opportunity of the callous treatment upsell go. Just ask my husband. Yikes.)
Although I hate the term "Do It Yourself" and you won't find me suddenly hanging out at The Home Depot on the regular, I am going to have to get a little more crafty and creative to get things done and keep the kids entertained. Being married to someone who works in finance, LOVES spreadsheets and could squeeze a penny into its liquid state if he wanted, I've learned a thing or two about budgeting over the years. (If you're reading this, honey, that's a compliment and I love you.)
So, in the spirit of sharing and helping others through my experiences, I'll share my five top tips on budgeting while maintaining a decent level of fun in your life. These can apply to anyone whether you're married with children, a couple of DINKs or single.
1. You need a budget.
If you don't have one, make one. Not having a budget is just silly and reckless. I've said this to my clients many times and now I'll say it to my readers: Set yourself up for success. If you don't know what a budget looks like, google "budget spreadsheet". There are all sorts of free templates out there you can use to get started; then, all you have to do is tweak it for your scenario. The process of creating a line item for every single thing you spend money on each month can be very eye-opening. As part of the process, be sure to tag things (this can be a column in a spreadsheet) as required or not required. For example, electric bill would we marked required and gym would be marked as non-required. This is where you have to sort of play hardball with yourself. It doesn't mean that you are going to drop the unrequired items from your budget, but it does mean that you have to be able to recognize what TRULY is required and what is not.2. Admit your vice. Then budget for it.
Determine if you want to hold on to this vice or not. If you can't give it up, well, put it in the budget and remove something else to make it fit. We all have one--whether it's the eating out, daily trip to the coffee shop (yep, that's mine), the pedicures (OK, that was mine too, but that one has to go), or the titty bars (not mine), you need to determine how important this is to you and choose to either factor it in (admitting the vice) or let it go.3. Give yourself a "fun money" allowance and make sure it has a monthly cap.
This is something we started doing a couple of years ago in my household and it just takes all of the arguments away. I give the hubs full credit for the idea, and it was a great one. He gets a certain amount each month for whatever the hell he wants to spend it on, and so do I. We chose the amounts based on our household budget and our needs. So, his may be a little less than hers or vice versa. What it's done for us has been astronomical in terms of our stress levels with each other. He doesn't bother me about my said coffee vice anymore because if that's how I want to spend my "Taylor" allowance, then that's my choice. And I don't bother him about what he spends his allowance on. Seriously, y'all, it just removes the opportunity for arguments over the credit card statement. Try it.4. Look for memberships. Look for opportunity.
If there is a place where you enjoy going (or think you would enjoy) on a regular basis then look into membership programs. This is particularly useful if you are looking for activities to do with your little ones and don't want to spend an arm and a leg entertaining them but you also don't want to just sit around your house. Several years ago we started to support, through a membership, our local children's museum and the local zoo. With a yearly membership of about $100 a piece, you can visit each of these places a much as you want. If you will go even just a handful of times, this is a huge savings when you compare to the cost for a single day ticket (typically around $15 per person). Sometimes we go to the zoo 2-3 days / week. The kids love it and I love it for the fact that I get a great cardio workout in carting them around in the stroller for several hours. The same goes for the museum. And, going back to the budget, it's something that we budget in. It's a line item.This tip also applies to things like gym memberships. Look for opportunities to pay upfront for a large discount. For example, when looking at the gym ask if they have any option to pay for 2-3 years upfront. Oftentimes with these deals it takes the monthly fee from around $35+/mo down to about $20/mo. While it is a larger upfront payment, when you break it down and compare how much it will cost you over the long term, it can be a much better option if you are able to make the upfront payment.
5. Paint Your Own Toes.
This could be mow your own lawn, cook your own food, etc. You get the point. Look for problems which you are "throwing money at", which you could easily do yourself. Evaluate each of these problems. Make a pros and cons list, including the pros for having someone else do it. If there is something that just doesn't have enough pros, then try to make a shift and do it on your own. At least for a little bit. Try it. For me, I can't say the coffee habit is going anywhere. I admitted my vice and I use my fun money for it. So I will try to let go of some of the laziness and cut out some other things, including the callous remover upsell.
I'll close with this: If you're looking to get smarter with your money and looking to get a better grip on your family or personal budget, try out at least one or two of these tips. Comment back with questions and share your experiences here.
Happy budgeting. I'm off; I've got to go fix these feet.
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